The Concept
Once upon a time there was a TV producer who had an idea. He thought that it would make compulsive television to create a rock band from thousands of hopefuls and document their rise to international stardom. He joined forces with a manager and an A&R man to scour the nation for the freshest most talented musicians that would form a new assault on world domination by British rock music. The deal was struck with SKY ONE and the project given the title:

The Auditions

The auditions were designed to bring out the best in the individual musician's talents and to assess their personality for compatibility with long tours and recording sessions. The Band, still to be named, would consist of drums, bass, two guitars and a vocalist. Each essential element of the band had to perform a piece from a choice of three compositions by contemporary artists in their field. The options were as follows:

Drums: The middle eight from " Place Your Hands" by Reef
The drum roll bit from the start of the Blue Peter theme - BBC productions
The dramatic bit from the start to the EASTENDERS theme - BBC productions

Bass: The start to the old Formula One tune, when it was on the BBC - Fleetwood Mac.
(Points will be deducted if you slip into the DURACELL add by mistake!)
The intro to " Into the Valley" by the SKIDS.
(This must be accompanied by a high kicking action to faithfully recreate this classic)
The dramatic bass line to the theme for the TV series TAGGART. (This has to be played in a heavy Glasgow accent for proper effect!)

Guitar: The theme from HEARTBEAT - ITV productions
(Additional points can be earned by the increasing the cringe factor on that last chord!)
The WAH WAH bit from SHAFT.
(Any attempt to sing this and not play it will result in instant disqualification)
Any BIG COUNTRY number.
(Additional points will be given for the getting the guitar to sound like bag pipes)

In addition any guitarist who can stay in tune for more than ten minutes will automatically proceed to the next round, as this is a highly unusual talent and will create quite a stir amongst the media.

Vocals: "Bomber" MOTORHEAD
( Additional points can be earned by faithfully recreating the light and shade of this classic masterpiece.
" Stayin' Alive" BEEGEES
"Y.M.C.A" VILLAGE PEOPLE
(Only genuine moustaches can be worn while performing this number and all fancy dress must be approved before commencement of the performance)

The auditions were set up in the major cities across the UK and with eager anticipation the PUBSTARS team headed for Glasgow.

On arrival the team could see the queues wind around George Square in the centre of Glasgow. However, this was actually people queuing for a free copy of the Daily Record, but the sight of all those potential PUBSTARS raised morale. The Venue for the auditions was the "TAM'O'SHANTER", a public house of distinction which had once appeared in a TV documentary about the infamous ice-cream wars of the early eighties. The team set up the cameras and sound equipment and waited. And waited. And waited…………

It became apparent that nobody was coming. The first crack in the plan had appeared. In a heated exchange between the team it became clear that potential PUBSTARS were in fact being seduced into KING TUTTS WAH WAH HUT by a rival project. How could this be the team asked? The project had remained under tight security for months while the preparations had gone on. Someone in the Team had leaked the details. The recriminations lasted well into the night. No one was owning up. The next morning the team headed back to their base in Poole to gather their thoughts and plan the next move.

Over the next couple of days the team convinced themselves that their original idea was a winner. The rival POPSTAR programme was considered to be poor copy of the original and would never take off. The team ridiculed the "Pick Me Nigel" advertising slots on ITV. These would be dwarfed by their own PUBSTARS campaign to be screened on SKY. A brilliant piece of work entitled "Mines a Pint" was to be commissioned by SATCHI and SATCHI, and daily slots scheduled on Sky between the "The Worlds Scariest Police Chases II " and the highly acclaimed "Basingstoke - Uncovered" programmes.

At each venue set up for auditions the rival ITV show had also arrived in town and had caused confusion by using a similar name and similar offers of stardom. It was easy to see how the prospective PUBSTARS were getting confused. The auditions were abandoned and instead the Team decided to rely on local talent to provide the nucleus of the band to be.

Next week ……….. The Band Is Chosen!